It's Spring at Toad Hall!

As I write this, there is a chicken in the oven, flavored with the first herbs of the season – fresh rosemary and oregano from the garden. The small white and green wild onions are in a cup waiting to be added, and there is fresh parsley waiting to go into the salad. The smell is lovely filling the house, and I am a very happy kitty.

Of course, by the time you read this, the chicken will have been eaten, and hopefully the next set of vegetables and herbs will be up and getting ready to be eaten. Lettuce, I’m talking to you. You’re a cool-weather plant. Mature, darn it!

It’s been quite a few weeks. We cleaned out Dad’s apartment this week, and it’s been quite a learning experience for me. Learning about my habits and processes, and triggers, and why I do (or don’t do) some of the things I do.

Saturday we had a bellydance show, and now there’s only one over stressful deadline item left on my list. That is a wonderful feeling.  My March would have been much more sedate had we not had estate sorting to deal with. I didn’t over commit: I did, however, forget to account for unexpected emergencies. We even had a sick cat!

Pauses are good. Sometimes you can’t plan for emergencies: I was in that situation in March – there wasn’t any way I could give up either the needlework show or the dance show and stay sane. And, of course, Dad didn’t pick that day to pass on. I know this, because all the notes for a new book were laid out in front of his computer.  But now… now I’m looking forward to a pause in a week or so. Pauses are good. Pauses keep us sane and allow us to recharge, grieve if necessary, and rebuild our emotional stability.

Of course, what starts making me post today is that this year stinks so far, and I’d really like a do-over, please. From losing Dad at the end of last month, to the crackdown on journalists in China (one of them (the one described in one news report as the “most extreme case” of beatings)  is my wonderful cousin, Stephen Engle) –  I’m not doing so well right now.  Oh, and one of my other cousins lost his best friend last week, too. This hasn’t been a great couple of months for the clan.

On the other hand, I’ve been wonderfully creative. I have a costume almost finished for a show in April, and a set, too. I’ve got a year’s worth of newsletter posts planned out and mostly written, if not photographed for illustrations.  Life is looking up, even while it’s ripping me to shreds. In a way, right now I feel like I’m balancing on a razor blade and trying to walk along it. Anything I do might knock me off into a whirlpool of crying. Or I might grab that trapeze that’s floating above it and get lots accomplished, but knowing full well that that just means I’m going to have to dismount into that whirlpool at a later date.

I think, right now, it’s the trapeze for me.  Show, Online needlework trade show, estate stuff, memorial planning. I don’ t have time to fall apart completely. So I won’t. Much as I’d like to.  Hopefully I’ll be around here more. Maybe. No promises.

In my driveway yesterday...

I find myself these days considering the entire meaning of the word “work.” I think perhaps we have either too limited a definition, or too many meanings. When someone says, “I work from home,” the immediate answering question is, “Who for?”  and if the person being asked isn’t well-heeled, sometimes the assumption is that he’s a slacker. Many companies don’t like the idea of telecommuting because management can’t look over the employees’ shoulders.

Currently, according to the unemployment division, I don’ t work. I’m applying for writing jobs — things that will make them happy – but my ultimate goal is to succeed financially on my own — to actually not need a “job.” This does not preclude work, or clients, but it eliminates the servant-master assumption of the traditional corporate structure, where I am vulnerable to whether or not I have a good boss. Heh.

Right now I’m fond of saying I work for a slave driver – me. Nothing I do is good enough. I’m always pushing to do more, accomplish more, get running faster! Be more productive. It’s the kind of situation where, if it were external, from any employer, I’d be looking for a new job.  (I thought I was thriving emotionally and physically, but I’ve realized recently that I need to treat myself as a treasured employee, and not be the kind of manager to myself that I hated in the corporate world!). I saw my old coworkers a couple weeks ago, and they told me how good I looked. I feel more myself than I have in years, especially now that I’m taking care of myself.

And yes, I am working very hard. And I’m stressed about getting the new line out, getting the product I’m wrapping up pulled together, marketing, and all. But I’m doing it. And even with the stress, I’m enjoying myself.

Queen of Toad Hall

If you read Stitching with a Shimmy, you will know that we lost Onyx a few months ago. This leaves us with two cats, one who has adopted each of us. You would think that this is a good thing, but, frankly, we’re all at odds.

First, although Dora has adopted me, and the Queen Lady the EO, there is still a big hole that used to be filled by Onyx. She’s been a part of my life since my heart-sister’s ex brought her home – always trying to hog all the attention in the house. From outside, this was amusing when she and the toddler would fight for my heartsister’s lap, both trying to push the other out. When she lived with me, both before and after toddlerhood of the pseudo-nephew, it wasn’t so funny when it was my old man kitty Rhys being pushed away. But, frankly, when the kiddo was 4 and we adopted her completely, it was the EO’s lap she sat in. Queen Lady and Dora used to be secondary – never truly, and P’s been Queen of the Hall ever since she moved in – but they both generally waited their turns for petting. No longer – they know they don’ t have to wait for the elderly to move, and both of them are more demanding than I thought either of them would become — Dora walks on my embroidery to get my attention, and both of them use “the other human” to make their own jealous. (And are confused when it doesn’t work as well as they think it should…)

I wonder what they’ll do if we adopt a dog?

courtesy of fleno.de on flickr

There is an old article in the Onion that a friend sent me years ago about the downturn in girls aspiring to be Fairy Princesses — it’s funny. You should go read it. Now. I’ll wait.

Back? My answer to Kate was, even at age 28 — “I’ll take the job!” Heck. I’d STILL take the job. I can think of very little better than helping like-minded people find their niche in life and getting comfortable with their Self and Body at the same time.

It’s sneaking its way into my dance teaching.  I used to laugh (a little) at the idea of life coaching (OK, it was nervous laughter – I secretly thought I needed one, but how to find the Right Fit without losing my non-existent budget in the search before I even found one!?) and now I know I need one ’cause I think I may be becoming one without knowing it, at least in dance and stitching.

And then I had a 30 minute session with Sinclair. She pointed out that I’m much more focused than most of the people she works with… and told me that my plans would work (in fact, she suggested I raise my prices).

And I still hate the word COACH. It brings up images of sweaty socks and shoes and push-ups and coming in last running and trying to climb a rope and failing miserably and being laughed out of the gym even though I could dance circles around everyone there for hours. I do like the idea of being a sort of fairy godmother, though. The kind that provides the resources so that Cinderella, or Ashenputel,  or the little goose girl can use her OWN talents to get where she wants to be.  Hmmm. Thinking. thinking.

A Toad of Toad Hall

This blog has languished over the past year! Frankly, I’m not comfortable getting extremely personal online – my dance and stitching selves live at Stitching with a Shimmy, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with this.

I am, however, working in paint more – and it doesn’t seem to fit the stitching for the most part, although it might later. In addition, I want space to go back to my photography and just explore the way I see the world. this seems like a good place to start.

I’m writing again – other than stitching, tech writing and blogging… I’m actually getting in there and doing writing practice, as Natalie Goldberg calls it.  Parts of that may end up here… I miss my Montaigne-inspired essays.  Let’s try a once a week post for a while and see how that goes.

So let me introduce myself again – I’m Romilly, lady of Toad Hall. Welcome to this little glimpse inside my world.

Dora-kitty

I know, it’s been a while since I posted. I tend to forget, ’cause I don’t really want to be writing a boring Christmas letter in blog form!

So we’ll see how the next year pans out here at Toad Hall…

I’m taking Kelly Kilmer’s “Life Made by Hand” art journaling class this year, and have promised to use this blog to post the results. SO you’re getting stuck with a new art blog. We’ll see what happens. The art journaling class is designed to dig into self as well as developing design and art techniques, so I’m hoping to get a double-whammy from it.

My last post was about my day job getting stressful. It culminated in a layoff at the beginning of December. The day after Dora-cat was in the Emergency Vet being diagnosed and treated for kidney failure. I’ve spent the last few weeks nursing her, thinking a lot about where I want to be in the next year, and recovering from a cold I’ve been suffering with as well. Dora is doing much better, thank you, and I should be soon.

I’m not planning on going back to work for Corporate America any time soon, though this doesn’t mean I won’t at some point. Right now, I’m working on getting the needlework business up and running, and I may take contract writing on here and there.

Dad got a prescription from his doctor to keep a cat in his small apartment, and he picked up “Martini” today.  Cheri has agreed to take the cat if something happens to Dad, so she and Kiddo went off with him the other day to pick out his chosen kitty. He should be home soon, and he was very excited when he went off to the adoption agency to pick up his new friend. I think this should help him immensely.

Which all leads to: I’m excited about the New Year. I hope you are, too.

Happy New Year everyone!

A Toad of Toad Hall

Wow, it’s been a busy month here at Toad Hall. Between everyone (including Dora the kitten if you count the end of August) being sick, releases at the day job, an upcoming newsletter/class launch at Stitching with a Shimmy, and designing away, I haven’t had time to breathe – not that I could have done anyway, given the bronchitis! Still, the EO, Dad and I managed to sneak in one day of fishing and a picnic at the local lake before all the illness really hit hard, and it was enough to remind me that I really do need to take a full day completely off once and again! After all, that’s why I’m doing all of this, isn’t it? So I can enjoy life now, before I’m too decrepit?

Anyway, the busy-ness hasn’t slowed down a LOT, so you may not see me around posting here too often.

They’re a combination steroid and Cipro. Now I don’ t know about you, but that sounds to me like bringing out the big guns.

I stayed home from work today because I’m horribly dizzy from the pressure. I hate being dizzy. I hate not being able to accomplish anything. Despite issues with work, I hate taking time off. I’m not sure what that says about me, but it says something.

The pain has lowered. I can tell the swelling has gone down a little. I’ll probably try to go in tomorrow. There is stuff that needs to be done.

So yeah. I’m still working on that “take care of yourself” stuff.

Oh. and did I mention that I seem to have given the bronchitis to the EO as a sinus infection? <sigh>

All is not well at Toad Hall right now. Not at all.