A Toad of Toad Hall

Wow, it’s been a busy month here at Toad Hall. Between everyone (including Dora the kitten if you count the end of August) being sick, releases at the day job, an upcoming newsletter/class launch at Stitching with a Shimmy, and designing away, I haven’t had time to breathe – not that I could have done anyway, given the bronchitis! Still, the EO, Dad and I managed to sneak in one day of fishing and a picnic at the local lake before all the illness really hit hard, and it was enough to remind me that I really do need to take a full day completely off once and again! After all, that’s why I’m doing all of this, isn’t it? So I can enjoy life now, before I’m too decrepit?

Anyway, the busy-ness hasn’t slowed down a LOT, so you may not see me around posting here too often.

I hate being sick.  I caught bronchitis last week, went in and got something for it, and then literally two day s later came down with this ear infection like nothing I’ve ever had before. The doctor was surprised, said it probably wasn’t related to the bronchitis, was EXTERNAL (praise be) … and gave me a prescription for drops for it. It’s bad enough that it’s closed my ear canal – she couldn’t even see the ear drum any more. None of this was present when I went in for the cough last Saturday.

They’re a combination steroid and Cipro. Now I don’ t know about you, but that sounds to me like bringing out the big guns.

I stayed home from work today because I’m horribly dizzy from the pressure. I hate being dizzy. I hate not being able to accomplish anything. Despite issues with work, I hate taking time off. I’m not sure what that says about me, but it says something.

The pain has lowered. I can tell the swelling has gone down a little. I’ll probably try to go in tomorrow. There is stuff that needs to be done.

So yeah. I’m still working on that “take care of yourself” stuff.

Oh. and did I mention that I seem to have given the bronchitis to the EO as a sinus infection? <sigh>

All is not well at Toad Hall right now. Not at all.

I’ve got them. So do you.

Right now my pattern is to be upset and frustrated and concerned about work. And to try frantically to get my business up and off the ground at home. I’m tired, I’m trying to get designs done and posts written – both for here and my other site, and I’m trying to help my Dad with some other stuff on the side – again with writing.

Tired. That’s a good description of it. The EOs take on this is that we both need to get more sleep. I have to agree. That is definitely a part of it. But if it were that easy, he wouldn’t have told me the other night that he’d be to bed “as soon as my mind slows down.” Part of the problem is that I get enough sleep for a while, and then my mind speeds up and I’m wide awake at bedtime for about 3 days in a row, and then I’m sleep deprived again.

When I teach dance in the evenings, the issue is compounded. I don’ t have time to get any chores or goals done before class, and then the excercise wakes me up and then I’m wired until at least 10 and wanting to DO all that stuff I didn’t do before class.

I’m going to try to rearrange my schedule one more time and get to bed “on time” whatever that is. Probably not before 10, although really I should be going to bed at 9 to get my full needed 9 hours, but with 2 hours out of the day gone for commute already, all I can promise is to start getting READY for bed at 9, and be in bed by 10.

So, in the spirit of being sane to myself, here’s what I intend to do:

My goal/intention: to get more consistent sleep.

My commitment: I will get dinner put together in the morning before I leave for work, and I will set my goals (sanely) for what I need to accomplish when I get home. Then I will accomplish them, without beating myself up if I miss a goal or two.  And I will begin to get ready to go to bed no later than 9pm.

I love this term. I love the connotation that I’m just stuck in the mud and with a little help we can shift the wheels and get rolling again. That it’s not me — well, it is, but it’s really just stuff – muddy stuff getting in my way. (No comments about me just being an old stick-in-the-mud, please. I already KNOW that!!! LOL)

Havi Brooks and her business partner, Selma (yes, she IS a rubber duck — wanna make something of it?!), coined this term, and I think it’s wonderful. Of course, even more wonderful is the image with the Dr. Seussian logo that goes with the name Destuckification Station.

You know how, when you are going along doing your thing and you hit a roadblock (or a mud puddle?) and your frustration rises almost immediately and the only thing you can do is say (or think), “I can’t do this. This is never going to work. I’ll never make it. It’s impossible,” and your blood pressure rises, and and and and? The destuckification station is a process to stop that in its tracks and get you calm and moving again.

I bought it a couple of months ago when I was having some REAL issues at work with panic attacks, and the combination of physical movement (little ones, really – even unnoticeable!) and meditations work immensely well for me. The physical steps that the guide includes remind me that I’ll get through it, and help me hang on until I can get to a quiet place to listen to one of the meditations.

You might like it if:

• You’re stressing out about something and can’t seem to calm down enough to take the steps you want to take.
• You know you react well to guided meditations OR are open to trying them out.
• Like a multi-thread approach to fixing things in your life.

The caveats: Because you know there are some. Even when you love something as much as I love this. It IS guided meditation-based:

• If you know you don’t like quieting down and listening to someone talk you through wherever it is you are, you won’t like this.
• If you find the idea of meditation in general too “woo-woo”, you won’t like this.
• If you think that guided meditations are a way to subliminally sell you more stuff, you’ll probably want to run screaming.

The disclaimer: I joined her partner program. So if you DO buy the Destuckification Station through the link up there (or here, for that matter) I’ll be reimbursed. But I’d be telling you about this even if I hadn’t.

Dear Friends,

As mentioned previously, I am owned by three cats. In the case of at least two of them, I am only a secondary toy.

Being secondary has its advantages. If the EO is home, the Old Lady and the Queen ignore me outright and fight over who gets to sit on his lap. I only (usually) have to dodge the attentions of one cat “helping” with whatever project I’m trying to deal with at the time.

But Cats get into everything. All the time. We will be sitting in the living room and hear a rattle and thud from the kitchen. of course, by the time we get there with the “bottle of NO!” there is nary a cat to be seen – nor the leftover chicken, for that matter.

And they have an innate ability to recognize exactly when you are going to stand up to get food, use the facilities, or so on. And to just in that moment, launch their bodies like furry little missiles into your lap, anchoring you there, all the while purring dramatically, because you wouldn’t get up and disturb them when they LOVE you so much now, would you? (And at that point it doesn’t matter if you’re secondary most of the time. They LOOOOVE you. Right Now. Pet them.)

Dear Friends –

So, the other night I had a dream – it wasn’t a nightmare, though it could easily have been. I’ve been working on issues, and it’s interesting how my subconscious works…

Something had happened to the Evil Overlord (EO – husband) and his wolfish presence in my life wasn’t there any more. And I was sad about that. but i was still going, my own person. And I’d replaced him – with an English Mastiff, a HUGE dog breed that resembles Winston Churchill. I’ve never even considered adopting something that large… in my wildest dreams, until now.

Someone asked me why I’d replaced the EO with that dog – my answer? “They’re a lot alike – stronger and more muscular than I am, totally devoted to me, slightly overprotective, and stubborn!” Then I woke up.

Later, I told the EO about this, a little worried that he’d think he could be so easily replaced by a dog. Ha! I should know better by now. I came into the bedroom later to find him standing on the bed, walking on it in circles three times around and then curling up. It took me a moment to put the reference together before i broke up laughing. Yup. Who needs a mastiff when you’re married to a wolf?

Things I learned from this – I really HAVE become my own competent person. The EO’s been a big part of this over the years as well. I am finally realizing this on a cellular level, instead of having to remind myself of it on a daily basis. What this means is that the business ideas I have are really going to work. Because I have the confidence to do it. (And I can always replace my husband with a dog that looks like Winston Churchill!)