The entire idea of “what do I want to be when I grow up” has haunted me all of my life.
I was worried in 6th grade when the only answer I had was “a ballerina,” even knowing then that my body was going to fight me the entire way, and probalby win.
My real problem was something I finally articulated about 15 years ago in Eugene. I want to do everything – almost. I’ve never wanted to go ump out of a plane. Where my mother said “if God had wanted me to fly he would have given me wings,” I said, “if God had wanted me to skydive he wouldn’t have given me a perfectly good airplane.” But that’s a digression. (Prepare for those. I ramble!)
Last year I read Barbara Sher’s Refuse to Choose. I still don’t fit. Don’t get me wrong – this woman is still one of my idols – what else can you do but admire a welfare mother who pulled herself up and out and devotes her career to helping other people do the same? I’ve read WishCraft, heard her speak, tried to use it – couldn’t narrow my focus, couldn’t do it, read I Could do Anything if Only I Knew what it Was, and realized that I answered “yes” to almost everything in the questionnaires, and reallized that I do want the world — and the moon, and the stars, too. when it comes to life I want to taste most of it. I’m in awe of people who have a purpose other than some vague “I want to help people,” that drives them utterly.
I need to leave for work, though. More later.
Dear Friends-
I first envisioned this blog as a simple move from LiveJournal. I am seeing now in only a few posts, that it is going to be so much more — and so different.
In many ways, it’s because I feel more at home here – I am able to control my environment more. I’m able to feel more at home: more myself. And that is something I am working on these days – being at home with myself and comfortable in my own, much healthier than it was – skin.
I’m also trying to practice defining what I want, something I mentioned on Stitching with a Shimmy back in January in a post called “On Writing Things Down.” So let me try to define that better.
- I want to feel comfortable in my ability to make needed decisions, regardless of other people’s “Stuff”.
- I want my reaction to other people’s “Stuff” to be more “wow, that must be really hard right now” rather than having their stuff set of my stuff and me ending up blubbering in a corner somewhere.
- I want to be comfortable enough in my own skin to let myself be wherever I happen to be in MY bodily and emotional health journey at any given moment.
I’m now envisioning this space as a place to learn more about myself as well as about other things. I’m sure that it won’t be static. Nothing ever is. I’ve got ideas. I’m moving right now in directions I never envisioned, and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if this blog does the same thing.
Come back soon!
Dear Friends,
As mentioned previously, I am owned by three cats. In the case of at least two of them, I am only a secondary toy.
Being secondary has its advantages. If the EO is home, the Old Lady and the Queen ignore me outright and fight over who gets to sit on his lap. I only (usually) have to dodge the attentions of one cat “helping” with whatever project I’m trying to deal with at the time.
But Cats get into everything. All the time. We will be sitting in the living room and hear a rattle and thud from the kitchen. of course, by the time we get there with the “bottle of NO!” there is nary a cat to be seen – nor the leftover chicken, for that matter.
And they have an innate ability to recognize exactly when you are going to stand up to get food, use the facilities, or so on. And to just in that moment, launch their bodies like furry little missiles into your lap, anchoring you there, all the while purring dramatically, because you wouldn’t get up and disturb them when they LOVE you so much now, would you? (And at that point it doesn’t matter if you’re secondary most of the time. They LOOOOVE you. Right Now. Pet them.)
July 12, 2009 by Romilly in
Uncategorized
Dear Friends,
If we don’t know each other yet, I hope you change that soon by leaving me a comment – to that end, a note about comments seems in order – it’s been my experience that blogs garner a lot of spam when they get going. Because of this, I will be moderating initial comments, and I do run Akismet in the background. If you think your comment has been inadvertently caught as spam or missed by me, feel free to send me an email to ask about it. but before you panic, give me a couple of days (or the entire weekend) because I’m not always accessible to a computer, although I try. 
And this would be a good beginning to an introduction to me. I’m not always near a computer, despite making my living as a technical writer. Like any good 18th century lady, I have myriad interests keeping me busy:
- I write
- I garden
- I dance
- I stitch
- I knit
- I paint and draw
- I am owned by cats
The general introductory things about me are relatively simple: I live on a small acreage in North Carolina’s Piedmont region (one also home to many many toads), am happily married for over seven years now to the EO. We are owned by three cats — the old lady cat with the mental capacity of a kitten, the queen of the household and her daughter, Dora the Explorer, who thinks she’s special because she has stripes in a house full of black cats — even the old man cat who passed on last year and the interloping visitor cat were black. In our home, being a simple tabby stripe does make you special!
I’m dealing with old patterns and habits about money, and am trying to work my love of teaching into a secondary income. There. I’ve said it out loud (as it were) and I’m in the process of working something up on multiple levels. While Im doing this with a fiew friends I’m finding both alove of the process and also a talent for helping other people get to their dream and in linking them to the resources they need to move forward in that direction. Hmmm. Time to look at this a little deeper, I think. But not right now. Right now it’s getting close to my bedtime. Pesky 40 minute commute to work without public transportation! ICK! (I MISS public transportation. I used to get so much work done on the bus…)
Dear Friends –
So, the other night I had a dream – it wasn’t a nightmare, though it could easily have been. I’ve been working on issues, and it’s interesting how my subconscious works…
Something had happened to the Evil Overlord (EO – husband) and his wolfish presence in my life wasn’t there any more. And I was sad about that. but i was still going, my own person. And I’d replaced him – with an English Mastiff, a HUGE dog breed that resembles Winston Churchill. I’ve never even considered adopting something that large… in my wildest dreams, until now.
Someone asked me why I’d replaced the EO with that dog – my answer? “They’re a lot alike – stronger and more muscular than I am, totally devoted to me, slightly overprotective, and stubborn!” Then I woke up.
Later, I told the EO about this, a little worried that he’d think he could be so easily replaced by a dog. Ha! I should know better by now. I came into the bedroom later to find him standing on the bed, walking on it in circles three times around and then curling up. It took me a moment to put the reference together before i broke up laughing. Yup. Who needs a mastiff when you’re married to a wolf?
Things I learned from this – I really HAVE become my own competent person. The EO’s been a big part of this over the years as well. I am finally realizing this on a cellular level, instead of having to remind myself of it on a daily basis. What this means is that the business ideas I have are really going to work. Because I have the confidence to do it. (And I can always replace my husband with a dog that looks like Winston Churchill!)
July 6, 2009 by Romilly in
Uncategorized
Dear Friends,
If you’ve followed me here from LiveJournal, thank you. I’d hate to lose any of you. If you’re new, welcome to my new home on the web.
People who know me personally have often said that I should be running an 18th century salon. (Actually, several of them take great joy in badly imitating Adam Ant while singing “an 18th century brain… inside a 21st century head” at me, but that is neither here nor there.) Anyway, since we’re a few centuries on from the 18th, how about a salon for the 21st?
I’d like to make this blog a place where people can be comfortable, sit back and have a conversation. It’s a spot where you can get an insight into what ‘m thinking (and maybe (hopefully) comment with your own two cents (or two francs euros – inflation and monetary changes, and all that…)
In any case, bienvenu! I am always glad to see you!
July 2, 2009 by Romilly in
Uncategorized
Subscribe