Queen of Toad Hall

If you read Stitching with a Shimmy, you will know that we lost Onyx a few months ago. This leaves us with two cats, one who has adopted each of us. You would think that this is a good thing, but, frankly, we’re all at odds.

First, although Dora has adopted me, and the Queen Lady the EO, there is still a big hole that used to be filled by Onyx. She’s been a part of my life since my heart-sister’s ex brought her home – always trying to hog all the attention in the house. From outside, this was amusing when she and the toddler would fight for my heartsister’s lap, both trying to push the other out. When she lived with me, both before and after toddlerhood of the pseudo-nephew, it wasn’t so funny when it was my old man kitty Rhys being pushed away. But, frankly, when the kiddo was 4 and we adopted her completely, it was the EO’s lap she sat in. Queen Lady and Dora used to be secondary – never truly, and P’s been Queen of the Hall ever since she moved in – but they both generally waited their turns for petting. No longer – they know they don’ t have to wait for the elderly to move, and both of them are more demanding than I thought either of them would become — Dora walks on my embroidery to get my attention, and both of them use “the other human” to make their own jealous. (And are confused when it doesn’t work as well as they think it should…)

I wonder what they’ll do if we adopt a dog?

courtesy of fleno.de on flickr

There is an old article in the Onion that a friend sent me years ago about the downturn in girls aspiring to be Fairy Princesses — it’s funny. You should go read it. Now. I’ll wait.

Back? My answer to Kate was, even at age 28 — “I’ll take the job!” Heck. I’d STILL take the job. I can think of very little better than helping like-minded people find their niche in life and getting comfortable with their Self and Body at the same time.

It’s sneaking its way into my dance teaching.  I used to laugh (a little) at the idea of life coaching (OK, it was nervous laughter – I secretly thought I needed one, but how to find the Right Fit without losing my non-existent budget in the search before I even found one!?) and now I know I need one ’cause I think I may be becoming one without knowing it, at least in dance and stitching.

And then I had a 30 minute session with Sinclair. She pointed out that I’m much more focused than most of the people she works with… and told me that my plans would work (in fact, she suggested I raise my prices).

And I still hate the word COACH. It brings up images of sweaty socks and shoes and push-ups and coming in last running and trying to climb a rope and failing miserably and being laughed out of the gym even though I could dance circles around everyone there for hours. I do like the idea of being a sort of fairy godmother, though. The kind that provides the resources so that Cinderella, or Ashenputel,  or the little goose girl can use her OWN talents to get where she wants to be.  Hmmm. Thinking. thinking.

A Toad of Toad Hall

This blog has languished over the past year! Frankly, I’m not comfortable getting extremely personal online – my dance and stitching selves live at Stitching with a Shimmy, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with this.

I am, however, working in paint more – and it doesn’t seem to fit the stitching for the most part, although it might later. In addition, I want space to go back to my photography and just explore the way I see the world. this seems like a good place to start.

I’m writing again – other than stitching, tech writing and blogging… I’m actually getting in there and doing writing practice, as Natalie Goldberg calls it.  Parts of that may end up here… I miss my Montaigne-inspired essays.  Let’s try a once a week post for a while and see how that goes.

So let me introduce myself again – I’m Romilly, lady of Toad Hall. Welcome to this little glimpse inside my world.

Dora-kitty

I know, it’s been a while since I posted. I tend to forget, ’cause I don’t really want to be writing a boring Christmas letter in blog form!

So we’ll see how the next year pans out here at Toad Hall…

I’m taking Kelly Kilmer’s “Life Made by Hand” art journaling class this year, and have promised to use this blog to post the results. SO you’re getting stuck with a new art blog. We’ll see what happens. The art journaling class is designed to dig into self as well as developing design and art techniques, so I’m hoping to get a double-whammy from it.

My last post was about my day job getting stressful. It culminated in a layoff at the beginning of December. The day after Dora-cat was in the Emergency Vet being diagnosed and treated for kidney failure. I’ve spent the last few weeks nursing her, thinking a lot about where I want to be in the next year, and recovering from a cold I’ve been suffering with as well. Dora is doing much better, thank you, and I should be soon.

I’m not planning on going back to work for Corporate America any time soon, though this doesn’t mean I won’t at some point. Right now, I’m working on getting the needlework business up and running, and I may take contract writing on here and there.

Dad got a prescription from his doctor to keep a cat in his small apartment, and he picked up “Martini” today.  Cheri has agreed to take the cat if something happens to Dad, so she and Kiddo went off with him the other day to pick out his chosen kitty. He should be home soon, and he was very excited when he went off to the adoption agency to pick up his new friend. I think this should help him immensely.

Which all leads to: I’m excited about the New Year. I hope you are, too.

Happy New Year everyone!

If I own my own sovereignty, then I also own my own actions, choices, and the results thereof. And while acknowledging that other people’s choices affect me, I am still responsible for those I make in response.

I’ve been working at the same corporate job for almost nine years now. This is a long time, and something I didn’t think I’d ever do. As corporate jobs go, it’s a good one — well-paid, office with a door instead of a cubicle, good team of people that I genuinely like to work with.

But after 9 and some years on the same project, there are struggles — maintaining interest, management changes – every one has a different vision for where we are going — keeping from feeling like an indentured servant with no control over 9 hours of my day – yes, I included lunch hours in that, because it is becoming more an more common for corporation teams to expect you to spend it with the team. That’s hard for a Myers-Briggs introvert like me — I NEED that hour in the middle of the day to myself and my own thoughts.

Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not singling out my employer for any of these issues, really. I’ve had them all crop up at other work places. In fact, I think it’s a testament to how good it is here that it has taken so long for me to start to feel thesee issues.

Wrapping my head around my own personal sovereignty helps – and yet… there are several ways that corporations in the US try to squash the sovereignity of their employess, whether conciously or just as a byproduct of the system as it tries to increase productivity exponentially:

• Reminding you that you can’t quit without another job because you may have a pre-existing health condition that precludes getting health care (affordable or not) on your own.
• Reminding you that in one way or another, they own you. I had one employer attempt to tell me that anything I created, even on my OWN time belonged to them… Artwork, needlework designs, anything that could be construed as intellectual property, whether or not it related to their business.
• Policies requiring that if you DO manage to take a leave of absence you are not allowed to work on anything work-related, especially moonlighting projects that have nothing to do with the corporation you are on leave from.

I’m sure I could come up with more, but these are the main issues I’ve seen my friends and I hit over the last 20 years in the work force. All three of them undercut attempts to maintain personal sovereignity by repeatedly telling you that the company owns you and your so-called “free-time”. At one place where I interviewed, the HR rep specifically told me that if, after hours I had a dinner party planned and the team wanted to go out or work late, I would be expected to cancel my plans and go with the team – my family was expected to come second to the company and my existing friends replaced by my company team. They were surprised when I didn’t take the job. And later I met three others in my field who had also turned them down, surprise, surprise! (But at least they were up front about their expectations – which I was supposed to accept for under $35,000 a year in a high cost of living city!) They expressed surprise when I turned them down, and apparently were just as surprised when my colleagues also turned them down.

Maybe my mindset is changing, but I’m becoming less and less willing as I get older to sell my entire life and soul for the company salary. So what am I doing about it?

• I remind myself that I am me, and the company is not me, or my feudal lord, for that matter.
• I use the Healthy Boundaries spray that Havi recommended at her retreat to ritually separate work from home.
• I have forced myself to take control of my projects and not only make suggestions & proposals, but also decisions before management does, consciously making the decision not to care if making these decisions gets me in trouble or costs me my job. Which some of them might.
• I do my own thing “off the clock” and usually enforce those boundaries (going out for lunch or drinks with the team once in a while, but don’t let it jeopardize your other social relationships).
• I make sure I maintain social relationships OUTSIDE of work – if something does happen to the job: layoffs, company closing, both these in fast succession, deciding to quit, what have you – those outside ties become even more important.

Well. That has been a long ramble about life theory! Interesting what comes out of my brain when I let it…

Just trying to work my way through my life.

A Toad of Toad Hall

Wow, it’s been a busy month here at Toad Hall. Between everyone (including Dora the kitten if you count the end of August) being sick, releases at the day job, an upcoming newsletter/class launch at Stitching with a Shimmy, and designing away, I haven’t had time to breathe – not that I could have done anyway, given the bronchitis! Still, the EO, Dad and I managed to sneak in one day of fishing and a picnic at the local lake before all the illness really hit hard, and it was enough to remind me that I really do need to take a full day completely off once and again! After all, that’s why I’m doing all of this, isn’t it? So I can enjoy life now, before I’m too decrepit?

Anyway, the busy-ness hasn’t slowed down a LOT, so you may not see me around posting here too often.

They’re a combination steroid and Cipro. Now I don’ t know about you, but that sounds to me like bringing out the big guns.

I stayed home from work today because I’m horribly dizzy from the pressure. I hate being dizzy. I hate not being able to accomplish anything. Despite issues with work, I hate taking time off. I’m not sure what that says about me, but it says something.

The pain has lowered. I can tell the swelling has gone down a little. I’ll probably try to go in tomorrow. There is stuff that needs to be done.

So yeah. I’m still working on that “take care of yourself” stuff.

Oh. and did I mention that I seem to have given the bronchitis to the EO as a sinus infection? <sigh>

All is not well at Toad Hall right now. Not at all.

Right now my pattern is to be upset and frustrated and concerned about work. And to try frantically to get my business up and off the ground at home. I’m tired, I’m trying to get designs done and posts written – both for here and my other site, and I’m trying to help my Dad with some other stuff on the side – again with writing.

Tired. That’s a good description of it. The EOs take on this is that we both need to get more sleep. I have to agree. That is definitely a part of it. But if it were that easy, he wouldn’t have told me the other night that he’d be to bed “as soon as my mind slows down.” Part of the problem is that I get enough sleep for a while, and then my mind speeds up and I’m wide awake at bedtime for about 3 days in a row, and then I’m sleep deprived again.

When I teach dance in the evenings, the issue is compounded. I don’ t have time to get any chores or goals done before class, and then the excercise wakes me up and then I’m wired until at least 10 and wanting to DO all that stuff I didn’t do before class.

I’m going to try to rearrange my schedule one more time and get to bed “on time” whatever that is. Probably not before 10, although really I should be going to bed at 9 to get my full needed 9 hours, but with 2 hours out of the day gone for commute already, all I can promise is to start getting READY for bed at 9, and be in bed by 10.

So, in the spirit of being sane to myself, here’s what I intend to do:

My goal/intention: to get more consistent sleep.

My commitment: I will get dinner put together in the morning before I leave for work, and I will set my goals (sanely) for what I need to accomplish when I get home. Then I will accomplish them, without beating myself up if I miss a goal or two.  And I will begin to get ready to go to bed no later than 9pm.

Havi Brooks and her business partner, Selma (yes, she IS a rubber duck — wanna make something of it?!), coined this term, and I think it’s wonderful. Of course, even more wonderful is the image with the Dr. Seussian logo that goes with the name Destuckification Station.

You know how, when you are going along doing your thing and you hit a roadblock (or a mud puddle?) and your frustration rises almost immediately and the only thing you can do is say (or think), “I can’t do this. This is never going to work. I’ll never make it. It’s impossible,” and your blood pressure rises, and and and and? The destuckification station is a process to stop that in its tracks and get you calm and moving again.

I bought it a couple of months ago when I was having some REAL issues at work with panic attacks, and the combination of physical movement (little ones, really – even unnoticeable!) and meditations work immensely well for me. The physical steps that the guide includes remind me that I’ll get through it, and help me hang on until I can get to a quiet place to listen to one of the meditations.

You might like it if:

• You’re stressing out about something and can’t seem to calm down enough to take the steps you want to take.
• You know you react well to guided meditations OR are open to trying them out.
• Like a multi-thread approach to fixing things in your life.

The caveats: Because you know there are some. Even when you love something as much as I love this. It IS guided meditation-based:

• If you know you don’t like quieting down and listening to someone talk you through wherever it is you are, you won’t like this.
• If you find the idea of meditation in general too “woo-woo”, you won’t like this.
• If you think that guided meditations are a way to subliminally sell you more stuff, you’ll probably want to run screaming.

The disclaimer: I joined her partner program. So if you DO buy the Destuckification Station through the link up there (or here, for that matter) I’ll be reimbursed. But I’d be telling you about this even if I hadn’t.

This is the place I’m going to work through some of my current phases. I’m in what Barbara Sher calls an “adolescence” right now… working on changing my life in positive ways. And it’s working. It really is.

By the way, March was the 30th anniversary of Wishcraft.  It’s a wonderful book.  And it’s now got it’s own website, and is available for free as pdfs! It’s funny. I took one of her free seminars in Eugene what… 14-15 years ago? What I remember most of all was that my dream wasn’t all that big – I wanted to make my living writing and making art, not working for someone else. During the brainstorming session, while I could come up with ideas for the woman who wanted to raise white tigers, and every one else could too, NOT ONE PERSON had ANY ideas for what I could do to get to mine. Not one. Talk about depressing. But I’ve been using her planning techniques for almost everything I do/did since then. It works. And I realized that I’m 1/2 way to that dream of mine: it’s just the “for myself” part that’s still out there waiting for me. And I’m getting all the butterflies and the tied up knots she talks about every time I take another step towards it.

So. I’m going to try not to whine, but what I WILL do is show you some of the techniques and resources that I’m using to get to where I want to be, show you how they are working (or not) and we can go from there.

I’m going to try to post regularly, because this idea won’t work without that kind of structure.

Me. You. Shall we start this journey?