SubscribeNew Simon’s Cat. This reminds me so much of Dora and Onyx when Dora was little.
From the Lady of Toad Hall
Refusing to Grow up Since 1970
Princess of Sovereignty
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. And I continue to think about the concept of sovereignty in the workplace.
When I was in the big corporate world, I became convinced that the entire culture conspired to get us to voluntarily give up our sovereignty and control in exchange for a “steady” paycheck and benefits.
Now that I’m on my own, I see those years in corporate America tainting my experience of my chosen career/life. It stints my ability to move forward.
In the corporate world, I felt that anything that went wrong would rest on my shoulders – deserved or not (part of this was my own baggage from “team grades” in school, where one slacker could ruin your GPA (unless you ended up doing all the work thus giving him a good grade as well) in a heartbeat, but part of it is standard management practices. Nothing I accomplished was ever even acknowledged, because management was discouraged from giving outstanding reviews because that could/would trigger merit raises that would lower the bottom line. (Note: This does not apply to the early years at my last company… They were great about this type of thing, but like all other companies, I think the “recession” scared them.)
Now that I’m working for myself, I am fully responsible for anything that goes on – as Truman said, “the buck stops here.” On the other hand, I find myself falling into the trap of not giving myself credi for my innovations and accomplishments. This has to stop now. I am failing as a manager by not rewarding my workers (me) and finding ways to make her (my!) life easier.
I think if I had had this inspiration back in the corporate world, I could have grabbed hold of my sovereignty even then, maybe. Right now I need to become my own best boss. I’ll be more productive, and the business will be better and more profitable for it.
As for my business… have you seen my weekly inexpensive and immediate embroidery patterns? Some are counted, some aren’t, and they’re all 99 cents!
It's Spring at Toad Hall!
As I write this, there is a chicken in the oven, flavored with the first herbs of the season – fresh rosemary and oregano from the garden. The small white and green wild onions are in a cup waiting to be added, and there is fresh parsley waiting to go into the salad. The smell is lovely filling the house, and I am a very happy kitty.
Of course, by the time you read this, the chicken will have been eaten, and hopefully the next set of vegetables and herbs will be up and getting ready to be eaten. Lettuce, I’m talking to you. You’re a cool-weather plant. Mature, darn it!
It’s been quite a few weeks. We cleaned out Dad’s apartment this week, and it’s been quite a learning experience for me. Learning about my habits and processes, and triggers, and why I do (or don’t do) some of the things I do.
Saturday we had a bellydance show, and now there’s only one over stressful deadline item left on my list. That is a wonderful feeling. My March would have been much more sedate had we not had estate sorting to deal with. I didn’t over commit: I did, however, forget to account for unexpected emergencies. We even had a sick cat!
Pauses are good. Sometimes you can’t plan for emergencies: I was in that situation in March – there wasn’t any way I could give up either the needlework show or the dance show and stay sane. And, of course, Dad didn’t pick that day to pass on. I know this, because all the notes for a new book were laid out in front of his computer. But now… now I’m looking forward to a pause in a week or so. Pauses are good. Pauses keep us sane and allow us to recharge, grieve if necessary, and rebuild our emotional stability.
I have been remiss in not posting more here. This is, after all, where I have decided I should be able to let my hair down and talk about whatever.
Of course, what starts making me post today is that this year stinks so far, and I’d really like a do-over, please. From losing Dad at the end of last month, to the crackdown on journalists in China (one of them (the one described in one news report as the “most extreme case” of beatings) is my wonderful cousin, Stephen Engle) – I’m not doing so well right now. Oh, and one of my other cousins lost his best friend last week, too. This hasn’t been a great couple of months for the clan.
On the other hand, I’ve been wonderfully creative. I have a costume almost finished for a show in April, and a set, too. I’ve got a year’s worth of newsletter posts planned out and mostly written, if not photographed for illustrations. Life is looking up, even while it’s ripping me to shreds. In a way, right now I feel like I’m balancing on a razor blade and trying to walk along it. Anything I do might knock me off into a whirlpool of crying. Or I might grab that trapeze that’s floating above it and get lots accomplished, but knowing full well that that just means I’m going to have to dismount into that whirlpool at a later date.
I think, right now, it’s the trapeze for me. Show, Online needlework trade show, estate stuff, memorial planning. I don’ t have time to fall apart completely. So I won’t. Much as I’d like to. Hopefully I’ll be around here more. Maybe. No promises.
In my driveway yesterday...
I find myself these days considering the entire meaning of the word “work.” I think perhaps we have either too limited a definition, or too many meanings. When someone says, “I work from home,” the immediate answering question is, “Who for?” and if the person being asked isn’t well-heeled, sometimes the assumption is that he’s a slacker. Many companies don’t like the idea of telecommuting because management can’t look over the employees’ shoulders.
Currently, according to the unemployment division, I don’ t work. I’m applying for writing jobs — things that will make them happy – but my ultimate goal is to succeed financially on my own — to actually not need a “job.” This does not preclude work, or clients, but it eliminates the servant-master assumption of the traditional corporate structure, where I am vulnerable to whether or not I have a good boss. Heh.
Right now I’m fond of saying I work for a slave driver – me. Nothing I do is good enough. I’m always pushing to do more, accomplish more, get running faster! Be more productive. It’s the kind of situation where, if it were external, from any employer, I’d be looking for a new job. (I thought I was thriving emotionally and physically, but I’ve realized recently that I need to treat myself as a treasured employee, and not be the kind of manager to myself that I hated in the corporate world!). I saw my old coworkers a couple weeks ago, and they told me how good I looked. I feel more myself than I have in years, especially now that I’m taking care of myself.
And yes, I am working very hard. And I’m stressed about getting the new line out, getting the product I’m wrapping up pulled together, marketing, and all. But I’m doing it. And even with the stress, I’m enjoying myself.
Queen of Toad Hall
If you read Stitching with a Shimmy, you will know that we lost Onyx a few months ago. This leaves us with two cats, one who has adopted each of us. You would think that this is a good thing, but, frankly, we’re all at odds.
First, although Dora has adopted me, and the Queen Lady the EO, there is still a big hole that used to be filled by Onyx. She’s been a part of my life since my heart-sister’s ex brought her home – always trying to hog all the attention in the house. From outside, this was amusing when she and the toddler would fight for my heartsister’s lap, both trying to push the other out. When she lived with me, both before and after toddlerhood of the pseudo-nephew, it wasn’t so funny when it was my old man kitty Rhys being pushed away. But, frankly, when the kiddo was 4 and we adopted her completely, it was the EO’s lap she sat in. Queen Lady and Dora used to be secondary – never truly, and P’s been Queen of the Hall ever since she moved in – but they both generally waited their turns for petting. No longer – they know they don’ t have to wait for the elderly to move, and both of them are more demanding than I thought either of them would become — Dora walks on my embroidery to get my attention, and both of them use “the other human” to make their own jealous. (And are confused when it doesn’t work as well as they think it should…)
I wonder what they’ll do if we adopt a dog?
courtesy of fleno.de on flickr
There is an old article in the Onion that a friend sent me years ago about the downturn in girls aspiring to be Fairy Princesses — it’s funny. You should go read it. Now. I’ll wait.
Back? My answer to Kate was, even at age 28 — “I’ll take the job!” Heck. I’d STILL take the job. I can think of very little better than helping like-minded people find their niche in life and getting comfortable with their Self and Body at the same time.
It’s sneaking its way into my dance teaching. I used to laugh (a little) at the idea of life coaching (OK, it was nervous laughter – I secretly thought I needed one, but how to find the Right Fit without losing my non-existent budget in the search before I even found one!?) and now I know I need one ’cause I think I may be becoming one without knowing it, at least in dance and stitching.
And then I had a 30 minute session with Sinclair. She pointed out that I’m much more focused than most of the people she works with… and told me that my plans would work (in fact, she suggested I raise my prices).
And I still hate the word COACH. It brings up images of sweaty socks and shoes and push-ups and coming in last running and trying to climb a rope and failing miserably and being laughed out of the gym even though I could dance circles around everyone there for hours. I do like the idea of being a sort of fairy godmother, though. The kind that provides the resources so that Cinderella, or Ashenputel, or the little goose girl can use her OWN talents to get where she wants to be. Hmmm. Thinking. thinking.
A Toad of Toad Hall
This blog has languished over the past year! Frankly, I’m not comfortable getting extremely personal online – my dance and stitching selves live at Stitching with a Shimmy, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with this.
I am, however, working in paint more – and it doesn’t seem to fit the stitching for the most part, although it might later. In addition, I want space to go back to my photography and just explore the way I see the world. this seems like a good place to start.
I’m writing again – other than stitching, tech writing and blogging… I’m actually getting in there and doing writing practice, as Natalie Goldberg calls it. Parts of that may end up here… I miss my Montaigne-inspired essays. Let’s try a once a week post for a while and see how that goes.
So let me introduce myself again – I’m Romilly, lady of Toad Hall. Welcome to this little glimpse inside my world.
Dora-kitty
I know, it’s been a while since I posted. I tend to forget, ’cause I don’t really want to be writing a boring Christmas letter in blog form!
So we’ll see how the next year pans out here at Toad Hall…
I’m taking Kelly Kilmer’s “Life Made by Hand” art journaling class this year, and have promised to use this blog to post the results. SO you’re getting stuck with a new art blog. 
We’ll see what happens. The art journaling class is designed to dig into self as well as developing design and art techniques, so I’m hoping to get a double-whammy from it.
My last post was about my day job getting stressful. It culminated in a layoff at the beginning of December. The day after Dora-cat was in the Emergency Vet being diagnosed and treated for kidney failure. I’ve spent the last few weeks nursing her, thinking a lot about where I want to be in the next year, and recovering from a cold I’ve been suffering with as well. Dora is doing much better, thank you, and I should be soon. 
I’m not planning on going back to work for Corporate America any time soon, though this doesn’t mean I won’t at some point. Right now, I’m working on getting the needlework business up and running, and I may take contract writing on here and there.
Dad got a prescription from his doctor to keep a cat in his small apartment, and he picked up “Martini” today. Cheri has agreed to take the cat if something happens to Dad, so she and Kiddo went off with him the other day to pick out his chosen kitty. He should be home soon, and he was very excited when he went off to the adoption agency to pick up his new friend. I think this should help him immensely.
Which all leads to: I’m excited about the New Year. I hope you are, too.
Happy New Year everyone!
Havi has had me thinking about personal sovereignty over the last few weeks — it’s an important topic, because it combines control with self-confidence and responsibility.
If I own my own sovereignty, then I also own my own actions, choices, and the results thereof. And while acknowledging that other people’s choices affect me, I am still responsible for those I make in response.
I’ve been working at the same corporate job for almost nine years now. This is a long time, and something I didn’t think I’d ever do. As corporate jobs go, it’s a good one — well-paid, office with a door instead of a cubicle, good team of people that I genuinely like to work with.
But after 9 and some years on the same project, there are struggles — maintaining interest, management changes – every one has a different vision for where we are going — keeping from feeling like an indentured servant with no control over 9 hours of my day – yes, I included lunch hours in that, because it is becoming more an more common for corporation teams to expect you to spend it with the team. That’s hard for a Myers-Briggs introvert like me — I NEED that hour in the middle of the day to myself and my own thoughts.
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not singling out my employer for any of these issues, really. I’ve had them all crop up at other work places. In fact, I think it’s a testament to how good it is here that it has taken so long for me to start to feel thesee issues.
Wrapping my head around my own personal sovereignty helps – and yet… there are several ways that corporations in the US try to squash the sovereignity of their employess, whether conciously or just as a byproduct of the system as it tries to increase productivity exponentially:
- Reminding you that you can’t quit without another job because you may have a pre-existing health condition that precludes getting health care (affordable or not) on your own.
- Reminding you that in one way or another, they own you. I had one employer attempt to tell me that anything I created, even on my OWN time belonged to them… Artwork, needlework designs, anything that could be construed as intellectual property, whether or not it related to their business.
- Policies requiring that if you DO manage to take a leave of absence you are not allowed to work on anything work-related, especially moonlighting projects that have nothing to do with the corporation you are on leave from.
I’m sure I could come up with more, but these are the main issues I’ve seen my friends and I hit over the last 20 years in the work force. All three of them undercut attempts to maintain personal sovereignity by repeatedly telling you that the company owns you and your so-called “free-time”. At one place where I interviewed, the HR rep specifically told me that if, after hours I had a dinner party planned and the team wanted to go out or work late, I would be expected to cancel my plans and go with the team – my family was expected to come second to the company and my existing friends replaced by my company team. They were surprised when I didn’t take the job. And later I met three others in my field who had also turned them down, surprise, surprise! (But at least they were up front about their expectations – which I was supposed to accept for under $35,000 a year in a high cost of living city!) They expressed surprise when I turned them down, and apparently were just as surprised when my colleagues also turned them down.
Maybe my mindset is changing, but I’m becoming less and less willing as I get older to sell my entire life and soul for the company salary. So what am I doing about it?
- I remind myself that I am me, and the company is not me, or my feudal lord, for that matter.
- I use the Healthy Boundaries spray that Havi recommended at her retreat to ritually separate work from home.
- I have forced myself to take control of my projects and not only make suggestions & proposals, but also decisions before management does, consciously making the decision not to care if making these decisions gets me in trouble or costs me my job. Which some of them might.
- I do my own thing “off the clock” and usually enforce those boundaries (going out for lunch or drinks with the team once in a while, but don’t let it jeopardize your other social relationships).
- I make sure I maintain social relationships OUTSIDE of work – if something does happen to the job: layoffs, company closing, both these in fast succession, deciding to quit, what have you – those outside ties become even more important.
Well. That has been a long ramble about life theory! Interesting what comes out of my brain when I let it…
Just trying to work my way through my life.